‘Why do you do that, mommy?’ he asked. ‘To make myself beautiful,’ said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue.

‘What’s the matter?’ asked Little Johnny. ‘Giving up?’

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The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn’t paying attention in class.. She called on him and said, ’Johnny! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?’ Little Johnny quickly replied, ‘NBC, FOX, ESPN and the Cartoon Network!’

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A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses.

She started her class by saying, ‘Everyone who thinks they’re stupid, stand up!’

After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, ‘Do you think you’re stupid, Little Johnny?’

‘No, ma’am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!’

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Little Johnny’s kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin board of the 10 most wanted criminals.

One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person.

‘Yes,’ said the policeman. ‘The detectives want very badly to capture him..

Little Johnny asked,  ‘Why didn’t you keep him when you took his picture ?’

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Have a wonderful weekend!

Christopher Walken does Fat Boy Slim!

Fat Boy Slim – Weapon of Choice_1

Be sure to crank up  the volume on your speakers!

Oprah’s Kickoff Party Dance

During The Oprah Show’s 24th season kickoff party, Harpo staff and more than 20,000 people pulled off a massive surprise for an unsuspecting Oprah. The entire crowd performed a choreographed piece to the Black Eyed Peas’ “I Gotta Feeling,” and Oprah was not only shocked, she was thrilled! Award-winning director Michael Gracey says the interaction between the Black Eyed Peas and the crowd is what made the flash mob so extraordinary. “There’s something really special when you take an audience and instead of just being passive and watching, you invite them to participate,” he says. “That’s why it was so magical for both parties. Two groups of people came together to create something that neither of them could have done alone.”

Click here to check out the flash mob that took over Chicago’s Magnificent Mile.

Click here to start this process.

Happy Friday!

(I really hope this isn’t blocked!)

1. I want to die peacefully in my sleep, just like my grandfather. .not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
2. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
3. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
4. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
5. Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They both should be changed regularly, and for the same reason.
6. Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?
7. The sole purpose of a child’s middle name is so he can tell when he’s really in trouble.
8. I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not sure.
9. Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil.
10. Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be.
11. Why is it that most nudists are people you don’t want to see naked?
12. If Bill Gates had a penny for every time I had to reboot my computer…oh wait, he does.
13. Dogs have masters. Cats have staff.
14. The right to be heard does not automatically include the right to be taken seriously.
15. What if there were no hypothetical questions?
16. What is the most important thing to learn in chemistry? Never lick the spoon.
17. A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.
18. If Wal-Mart is lowering prices every day, why isn’t anything in the store free yet?
19. If everything seems to be coming your way, you’re probably in the wrong lane.
20. I’m in shape. Round is a shape isn’t it?

So….which was your favorite?

This video is for any one who may be, like me, finding themselves wondering “who’s on first, what’s on second, etc.”

The whirlwind of the kickoff to a new school year has me spinning!